“I cook with wine. Sometimes I even add it to the food.”
— W. C. Fields

The Canvas
by Jace Daniel (b. 1969)

Once upon a time there was a blank canvas. When it got home from the art store, it began to cover itself up with lines and shapes, adding some color, attempting to say something meaningful about the world.

After a while the canvas thought to itself, “I don’t like where this is going. The lines are crooked, the shapes are off, and the colors are wrong. Let me try this again.”

So the canvas covered itself up with new lines, different shapes, and another selection of colors. Attempting to say something meaningful about the world.

After a while the canvas thought to itself, “I don’t like where this is going. The lines are crooked, the shapes are off, and the colors are wrong. Let me try this again.”

The canvas did this over and over and over again, covering itself up, each time trying new lines, different shapes, and another selection of colors. Attempting to say something meaningful about the world.

One day the canvas met a painting. This painting was the most beautiful painting the canvas had ever seen. Its lines were perfect, its shapes were perfect, and its colors were perfect. The painting had a rich texture that the canvas wanted to reach out and touch, and it had something meaningful to say about the world.

“Wow,” the canvas said. “You’re the most beautiful painting I’ve ever seen. Your lines are perfect, your shapes are perfect, and your colors are perfect. You have a rich texture that I want to reach out and touch, and you have something meaningful to say about the world.”

“You’re no slouch yourself,” said the painting.

“What do you mean?” asked the canvas.

“Just look at you,” explained the painting. “Your lines are working, your shapes are exactly what they need to be, your colors are fitting right in, and you’ve got a rich texture that can only come with age. You’re really saying something meaningful about the world.”

“You’re wrong,” said the canvas.

“How so?”

“There’s more to me than meets the eye,” said the canvas. “I’m a series of errors. There are imperfect lines and shapes and colors beneath the surface that you can’t see. I’m not worthy to be in your presence.”

“That’s simply not true.”

“Don’t you understand?” said the canvas. “I have a past.”

The painting smiled. “So do I.”

A must-see:

When I was a little boy, my elementary school had a film on-hand that they’d roll for us on rainy days. It was a short French film from 1956 called “The Red Balloon“. I’ve never forgotten it. Only about a half-hour long, the story depicted a schoolboy named Pascal who meets a red balloon during his walk home from school one day. Not just any red balloon, mind you; this was the most beautiful red balloon I’d ever seen. Twice as big as any other balloon, twice as shiny as any other balloon, with a string ten times as thick as that of any other balloon. An unbelievably cool balloon, this one.

Pascal had an affair with this balloon on his journeys to and from school, with the balloon persistently following him everywhere. Not unlike, I suppose, Mary’s little lamb, the red balloon followed him home, but there were no balloons allowed in the house. He followed him to school, but, as was the case with Mary’s lamb, it was against the rule, and the balloon was forced to wait outside. When school would let out for the day, Pascal would take his friend to the park where they could enjoy some quiet time together, albeit limited.

In the middle of the film there’s a passing scene where Pascal, while holding his balloon, meets a young girl holding a balloon of her own. Only hers was blue. Like Pascal’s balloon, the girl’s blue balloon was twice as big as any other balloon, twice as shiny as any other balloon, with a string ten times as thick as that of any other balloon. An unbelievably cool balloon, this blue one. As cool as Pascal’s.

One day after school, the red balloon is meeting Pascal outside. The school bullies become jealous of Pascal, and want the balloon for themselves. A chase ensues, with Pascal clutching the red balloon and running through the streets of Paris, pursued by the balloon-hungry mob. What happens next, I’m happy to discover, is available on YouTube.

Here’s the film in its entirety. Watch, enjoy, and learn:

TRIVIA!: The filmmaker, Albert Lamorisse, is the inventor of the board game Risk.

Via Discovery, veterinarians say compulsive tail-chasing in dogs is related to high cholesterol.

The finding adds to a growing body of evidence — mostly from studies on humans — that high cholesterol may be a marker for behavioral problems such as panic attacks and obsessive compulsive disorder, which could be expressed by frequent tail-chasing in dogs.

Sheez. No wonder. That does it: NO MORE SPONGE CAKE.

Beginning in 2007, I embarked on a DIY remodel of my place. I took photos throughout the various stages of the project, posting them on this site.

I never took the time to summarize everything into one centralized blog entry, which has required me to repeat myself every time the project comes up in conversation. So, by request and necessity, here’s summary that documents the whole shebang, from the floor plan’s layout to the demolition to the framing to the drywall to the painting to the lighting to the lattice to the Binary Floor to the baseboards to the bar. Each item in the list below has a link to its original blog entry.

Remodel

The schematics. Includes my original idea of how to go about taking a three-bedroom 1945 California Bungalow and convert it into a loft with two bedrooms, better suiting my lifestyle. Includes a diagram.

Demolition. No turning back. Once I hooked up with a framer, it was time to break out the hammers and have at it. I did it myself.

After Day 4. A few days later, I had some guys come in to clean up my mess, completing the demo, taking everything down to the studs. I also ordered the beams.

After Day 5. With the beams up, we framed the soffit.

After Day 6. Support walls come down, more joists go in the attic, and it’s time for drywall.

After Days 7 and 8. Or is it 9? 10? Exhaustion had set in at this point. Had to handle some electrical things before the drywall hang, and just tried to keep moving forward.

After the Drywall Hang. After a couple setbacks, which included a visit to the ER, the drywall is up.

After Drywall Day 2. Ready for paint.

Let there be light. With the painting done, I embarked on the lattice part of the project and the lighting.

Let there be a lattice. Nuff said.

Under the house. Fun, fun, fun.

They’ve got my back. My main wingman and winggirl.

Binary Floor

Conception. Finally getting around to fixing the floor, I find the supplies which offer a unique opportunity to do something mathematically ambitious. Includes a diagram.

Walker. Now with the material, it was time to stain. With a little help from a surprise visitor.

Cinco de Flooro. I spent my Cinco de Mayo drinking Tecate, pulling up the existing floorboards, and doing a test layout.

Binary Floor test layout with semi-dry ebony pieces. More layout testing, as well as some floor patching where the wall heater was.

Binary Floor test layout before cutting. Using stained pieces, the whole idea of the piece begins to be visually realized.

Binary Memorial Day The cutting begins, with the pieces starting to get settled in.

Binary Pre-finish Line Getting there. Tiles are in, and ready for sanding.

Ready for sanding. Plastic up, tools chosen, and it’s time to party.

Take me to your floor sander. After taking a hand-held belt sander to the piece, I’m ready to rent a floor sander from Home Depot.

Ready for stain. Sanding done, curtains down, dust cleaned up.

Stained zeros. Light tiles get their coat of Minwax Natural #209.

I probably shouldn’t be posting these… Masked off and ready for the Ebony #2718. Probably should charge admission.

Stopping the bleeding. Touching up.

Ebony unmasked. The masks come up, and the piece looks closer to done than ever.

Touching up the outside edges. More meticulous and grueling work to get it clean.

Almost there. After the Varathane. Stuff ain’t cheap.

Kitchen floor fixed. Small little tile patching job.

Baseboards

Baseboards Intro. Obtaining the material, doing the math, and getting ready to cut it up.

Baseboards: DONE! Exactly.

The Bar

The Bar! Cheers.

From the Letters to a Young Writer series at Narrative Magazine, Richard Bausch responds to a student’s struggle to read offensive words from literature aloud in class verbatim.

We can best address the injustices of the past by never forgetting them, never forgetting how it was—and in many sad instances how it still is. In a way, to “translate” the words in class is a kind of racism, isn’t it? For the assumption is that one’s colleagues of color, or one’s friends who are part of some minority, are not adult enough or intellectually strong enough to handle the facts of the social history.