This just in from Mummy via M:
I recently picked a new primary care doctor. After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing “fairly well” for my age.
A little concerned about that comment, I asked, “Do you think I’ll live to be eighty?”
“Do you smoke tobacco?” he asked. “Or drink beer, wine, or hard liquor?”
“No,” I replied. “I’m not doing drugs, either.”
“Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?”
“Not much,” I said. “My former doctor said that red meat is very unhealthy.”
“Do you spend a lot of time in the sun?” he asked. “You know, playing golf? Boating? Sailing? Hiking? Bicycling?”
“No,” I replied.
“Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have lots of sex?”
“No,” I repeated.
The doctor looked at me and asked, “Then why do you even give a shit?”
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