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Bring Back the Dames

A certain topic has been rearing its head recently, beginning with this article last week. Entitled ‘End of the hourglass: Career women usher in a straighter female form’, it suggests that the classic hourglass figure made famous by Sophia Loren and Marilyn Monroe has been kicked out of fashion by career women who consume testosterone-tainted hormones to handle the type of stress that comes with high-powered jobs.

From the article:

High-powered working women are less likely to have the classic shape of a tiny waist with wide hips and large bosom [and instead are inclined to have] more angular attractions [such as that of] Keira Knightley.

Working women today are more likely to have a more ‘straight up and down’ figure.

So the theory is that working women today are commonly taking androgens that make them look boyish. Okay, I can see that. But what bothers me is that these masculine figures on women are now somehow regarded as ideal.

An acquaintance of mine back east has a brilliant theory about all this that was sent to me via Luke:

Since the ’60s and ’70s, the hottest designers for women have been gay. With no genuine interest in the female form, these guys have been designing women’s clothes to fit the body of a man. As a result, the sought-after models for the stuff have been the gals with the boyish bodies. These curveless body types have consequently become associated with high fashion, ultimately becoming a requirement for haute couture. Somewhere along the line, the male form became the dominant look in fashion.

After a couple days that have included the Oscars, the passing of Jane Russell, and a viewing of the Monroe/Russell flick Gentlemen Prefer Blondes (1953), this theory has worked its way back into conversation. And it holds so much weight that I almost feel angry.


Who died and put these guys in charge??? Contemporary fashion designers have effectively taken our beloved hourglass and replaced it with something that looks like Justin Bieber wearing a bun. At the rate we’re going, all the chicks are gonna end up looking like guys within a decade, and I don’t like it.

It seems to me that clothes designed for women should be designed by people who have a genuine primal connection to the quintessential female form, not by folks who find it icky. They’re simply not qualified. God love ’em, but having gay men calling all the shots in fashion is not unlike having the lesbian community come up with new rules for the Super Bowl.

Bring back the Lorens, the Monroes, the Bacalls. The Jane Russells. It wasn’t called the Golden Age for nothing. Bring back the bodacious cans. The hips that won’t quit. The doe eyes with the Bambi lashes. The thigh-highs with the garters. The glitz. The glamour. The vavoom.

Bring back the dames.

– – – – –

For Jane.

jane russell marilyn monroe

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