We’ve all received emails like like this numerous times over the years. You know how it goes. The questionnaire. You receive a list of revealing answers from a friend, and are instructed to replace their answers with your own. The drill is to then Reply to the friend with these answers, while also sending it it to everybody else on the planet that you know. It’s like, “Hey, look at all this stuff about me! Now tell me about you! We’ll be closer as a result!”
I normally toss these, but for some reason I felt inclined to fill it out this time. Only rather than peddling what could conceivably be considered too much information to dozens of recipients in an unsolicited email, it seems the most appropriate place for it would be here.
For what it’s worth:
1. FIRST & MIDDLE NAME? Jace Daniel
2.WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? Middle name’s after my old man’s childhood buddy.
3. WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY? I caught the last scene of Rocky the other day.
4. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? Hate it.
5. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCHMEAT? Roast beef.
6. KIDS? Two. My girl Kona, 8, is a pit-lab. My boy Vive, 1.75, is a Shepherd mix.
7. WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? Yes. My dogs love me, and I trust their judgment.
8. DO YOU HAVE A JOURNAL? You’re looking at it.
9. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT? No. I just like saying things that make people feel stupid.
10. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? Yes.
11. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? Yes.
12. FAVORITE CEREAL? Rice Krispies.
13. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? No. Funny you should ask.
14. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? Yes.
15. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR? Coffee chip.
16. SHOE SIZE? 12.
17. RED OR PINK? Red.
18. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? The fact that I’m wasting three minutes of my life on this questionnaire that I’ll never get back.
19 WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? Grampa, Uncle Eddie, and Dimebag Darrell.
20. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO SEND THIS BACK TO YOU? Please don’t.
22. LAST THING YOU ATE? #12.
23. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? Vive barking his head off at the gardeners mowing the lawn out back.
24. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? Burnt Sienna.
25. FAVORITE SMELL? Coffee.
26. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? My old man.
27. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE YOU ARE ATTRACTED TO? Their ability to make me forget how to breathe.
28. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? Yes.
29. FAVORITE DRINK? Sierra Nevada.
30. FAVORITE SPORT? Baseball.
32. EYE COLOR? Brown.
33. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? No.
34. FAVORITE FOOD? Asian fusion.
35. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS? Both.
37. HUGS OR KISSES? Kisses.
38. FAVORITE DESSERT? Mrs. Fields.
39. WHO IS MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? A spambot trying to post gibberish about Viagra.
40. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND? Ferdinand Magellan.
41. WHAT BOOKS ARE YOU READING? The 3 A.M Epiphany.
42. WHAT’S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? Layers of dust and dog hair.
43. WHAT DID YOU WATCH LAST NIGHT ON TV? My Date With Drew.
44. FAVORITE SOUNDS? A snare drum; my dogs lapping up water; complete silence.
45. ROLLING STONES? As a matter of fact, yes. Saw ’em in November.
46. THE FURTHEST YOU BEEN FROM HOME? Hell.
47. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT? I can read minds. Shame on you.
48. WHEN AND WHERE WERE YOU BORN? January 24, 1969. Honolulu.
size 12?!