If you haven’t heard, 7UP has changed its formula in a pathetic effort to attract impressionable consumers currently hooked on Sprite, Sierra Mist, and trendy natural drinks. While this may not be significant news to most, it is having a profoundly negative impact on people who drink it daily. Included in that sad group would be yours truly.
Not one to take it lying down, I’ve submitted the following letter to the Seven-Up Company. Please join me in the fight by telling them how bad the idea of changing their formula is.
To Whom it Concerns,
7UP has been my favorite drink since 1969. I’m confident I’m not alone in that distinction.
I cannot believe you’ve changed the formula of our favorite soft drink. Did we learn nothing from the ridiculous stunt Coca-Cola pulled in the ’80s when they did the same thing with “New Coke” in an attempt to compete with Pepsi???
“Now 100% natural”? What a load of dog shit. If I wanted natural, I wouldn’t drink my beloved 7UP. Or any soda, for that matter.
Your attempts to hippify your identity in order to appeal to Sprite and Sierra Mist fans is going to fail miserably, starting with your loyal 7UP following. I would rather die of thirst than drink this lame imitation of the real thing.
Your new formula tastes like chlorine, and is not worthy of the 7UP name. You’ve lost a life-long customer until you bring our classic beverage back.
Shame on you.
Sincerely,
A thirsty ex-fan in Los Angeles
ps: I’ve used a green 7UP golf bag for years. I now plan to take up tennis.
The Battle of Normandy alone, which began on D-Day (June 6, 1944), resulted in 253,700 casualties (53,700 Allies; 200,000 Nazis).
The average man has approximately 10 pints of blood flowing through his veins.
About 317,125 gallons of blood were shed in the Normandy campaign.
A standard Olympic swimming pool holds approximately 253,125 gallons of water.
The blood shed in the Normandy conflict would fill up a standard Olympic size swimming pool one and a quarter times.
Source: personal research
In this day of countless reality television shows consisting of elaborate social experiments where people band together to vote other contestants off an island, out of a mansion, and out of the game itself, it never ceases to amaze me how prevalent the incorrect use of the verb “align” has become when referring to an alliance.
Example:
“I decided to align with Tom on Day One, but then our alliance was broken when Tom aligned with Dick. So then I had to align with Harry.”
Arrgh.
By the time I post this, this error may very well become have become so common that it is deemed acceptable. This happened with the word “orientate”, which is now in our dictionary as a result of the overwhelming incorrect use of the word in society. This was typically done by people (with good intentions) throwing it into conversation in an effort to sound more schooled than they really are. (Recall Damon Wayans’ classic parody from In Living Color, where he played an artificially articulate prison inmate.)
Social acceptance of error doesn’t make it correct.
It’s ally, people. Ally. The verb. Emphasise the second syllable, so you pronounce it “a lie“. It’s the root of alliance. The past-tense allied can be pronounced two ways; it can rhyme with either “gal ride” or “collide”. I allied with Tom on Day One, but then our alliance was broken when Tom allied with Dick. So then I had to ally with Harry.
It’s not align. Align is the root of alignment. While an alliance is figuratively synonymous to an alignment, the words are in fact unrelated. If you’re aligning with somebody, talk about your alignment, not your alliance. If you’re creating an alliance with somebody, you’re allying with them, not aligning. Just be consistent.
Okay? Please? Thanks.
