Some university researchers with the federal government’s blessing suggest scrapping this whole Internet thing and starting over with a clean slate.

Andreas points out that while they’re at it, perhaps they could explore draining our oceans and redistributing the world’s land mass to better suit our needs.

A Man’s World
by Jace Daniel (b. 1969)

There once was a man who was unhappy with the world as he saw it.

As he watched this world, he found it filled with people who were dishonest and two-faced. Greed ran rampant in this corrupt place; trust was nowhere to be found. People in this world were judgmental, bigoted, and self-righteous. Hatred seemed to infect this world, making up its rules as it went along.

When the man turned to look at something else, he found people to be plastic, shallow, superficial, and ingenuine. Still other people were hurried, one-dimensional, and completely void of the ability to be real.

“This sucks,” he thought.

He turned once again in hopes of finding something of value, and was inundated with yet more people telling him what to do, what to buy, what to wear, where to go, and what to say when he got there.

“This sucks,” he thought again.

So the man got up from his couch, turned off his television, and lived happily ever after.

Friday the thirteenth,
April, two thousand seven.
Just another day.

The Little Monkey and the Two Beers
by Jace Daniel (b. 1969)

Once upon a time in Monkeyland there was a little monkey who lived in one of the trees. He was very good at being a little monkey, but was very unhappy.

“There has to be more to life than this,” he thought.

So one day the little monkey built a boat out of banana tree wood. He sailed away to Gorillaland to consult an old gorilla, the leader of that land. When the little monkey arrived, he asked the old gorilla, “What’s the point of all this?”

The old gorilla sensed the little monkey’s honesty and took out two beers. “I’ll show you what the point of all this is,” said the old gorilla, “But you must do exactly as I say.”

The old gorilla handed the two beers to the monkey and continued, “Take these two beers back to Monkeyland, drink both of them, and return here for further instructions.”

So the little monkey took both beers in his boat made of banana tree wood and sailed back to Monkeyland. As he sat on the beach and cracked open his first beer, a sad monkey came out of the jungle. This sad monkey was obviously very poor and very thirsty, and not very good at being a monkey. He saw the two beers in the little monkey’s hand.

“Have a beer with me,” said the little monkey. The little monkey cracked open the other beer, handed it to the sad monkey, and they clicked bottles. “Cheers,” said the little monkey. “Cheers,” said the sad monkey. And the two monkeys drank the two beers, and had a great conversation about life.

The little monkey felt rather good about what he had done, and jumped back in his boat made of banana tree wood. He sailed as fast as he could back to Gorillaland to tell the old gorilla what he had done.

To the little monkey’s surprise, the old gorilla was very mad. “I told you to drink both beers,” the old gorilla scolded.

The little monkey was confused. “But I met another monkey who was sad and thirsty, and I shared my beers with him, and we had a conversation about life.”

The old gorilla shook his head in anger. “You were supposed to do exactly as I said. You must now leave Gorillaland and never come back here again.”

So the little monkey jumped in his boat made of banana tree wood and sailed back to Monkeyland.

A year passed. During that time, the little monkey became good friends with the sad monkey.

And the sad monkey became a happy monkey.

And the happy monkey introduced the little monkey to all his monkey friends. And they introduced the little monkey to their other monkey friends. And before long, the little monkey had more monkey friends than any other monkey in Monkeyland.

Another year passed, and the little monkey met the most beautiful monkey he had ever seen in his life. They fell in love and were married. They had many beautiful little monkey children, and everything these little monkey children did was a source of great pleasure and pride to their parents.

In time, the little monkey became a wise little monkey. The wise little monkey was held in such high esteem that he was eventually elected ruler of Monkeyland, and monkeys came from all the different areas of the land to seek his advice. As word got around, all the animals from their own land would travel to Monkeyland to get advice from the wise little monkey.

The wise little monkey lived to be many years old, and considered himself a very fortunate and happy little monkey indeed.

And that was just the first beer.

I’m still a couple years on the good side of 40, but I’m pretty sure that this is the best movie I will have ever seen in my life.

A moving classic.

Reposted on YouTube by Andreas.

The Giant and the Midget
by Jace Daniel (b. 1969)

Once upon a time, in a land not that far away from where you are now, there lived a giant, all alone. Not your ordinary giant, mind you; not the kind of giant you’ve read about in storybooks and fairy tales. This giant was different. He was only three feet tall.

Every day the giant took a walk through the fields near his home, overlooking the sea.

“I must be the biggest giant in the world,” he thought. “Why, there couldn’t possibly be any giant bigger than me.”

Once upon the same time, in a land not that far away from where you are now, and not that far from the fields near the giant’s home, there lived a midget, all alone. Not your ordinary midget, mind you; not the kind of midget you’ve seen in movies and television shows. This midget was different. He was ten feet tall.

Every day the midget took a walk through the fields near his home, overlooking the sea.

“I must be the smallest midget in the world,” he thought. “Why, there couldn’t possibly be any midget smaller than me.”

One afternoon, the giant went for his daily walk. Deciding to try something new, he wandered through the fields near his home, and kept going, and kept going, and soon, he wasn’t near his home at all.

That same afternoon, at the same hour, the midget went for his daily walk. Deciding to try something new, he wandered through the fields near his home, and kept going, and kept going, and soon, he wasn’t near his home at all.

It wasn’t long before the giant saw a ten-foot man walking toward him through the fields, overlooking the sea.

“Wow,” thought the giant. “I’m not the biggest giant in the world after all.”

It wasn’t much longer before the midget saw a three-foot man walking toward him through the fields, overlooking the sea.

“Wow,” thought the midget. “I’m not the smallest midget in the world after all.”

And the giant waved to the midget.

And the midget waved back to the giant.

And they both went home, walking through the fields, overlooking the sea.

“For I am that special freak, the man with the child inside who remembers all.”
— Ray Bradbury

One thousand students stand in line outside a school, each numbered 1 to 1000. In the school are one thousand closed lockers, each numbered 1 to 1000. One by one, the students go into the school and “change the state” of the lockers. That is, if a locker is open, they close it; if it is closed, they open it.

Here are the rules:

The first student goes in and changes the state of each locker. The second student goes in and changes the state of every other locker. The third student goes in and changes the state of every third locker. The fourth student goes in and changes the state of every fourth locker. And so on. Eventually, the thousandth student goes in and changes the state of the thousandth locker.

After all one thousand students have completed their task, how many lockers are open?

Source: Rob Gonsalves