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Just did a quick little 30-second test called “Who Were You In a Past Life?” that somebody cooked up on Facebook. Consists of a series of multiple choice questions. The result:

You were Teddy Roosevelt in your past life!
Of all of your past lives, old Teddy was your most prominent. If your dreams are ever filled with faint visions of conquests, horseback riding, spelunking, hunting, cigars, governing masses of people, and quiet studying, these are glimpses into a world once occupied by your ‘vessel’. Cherish your past life and invigorate your current one knowing that you embody greatness in all that you do.

Mount Rushmore will never be the same.

Stranded Awhile
by Jace Daniel (b. 1969)

The man wakes up, face down on the beach, conscious. The foamy surf creeps up the length of his body to the persistent rhythm of a dying grandfather clock’s pendulum. Struggling to push himself up to his knees, the first thing he feels is thirst.

He stands, taking inventory of his facilities. No broken bones. Good. Sand in his teeth, his lips feel like they’ve been burned off with a blow torch. He looks at his bare feet. Still there. He looks around, squinting. Parking meters line a paved street flowing with lazy traffic. Sunglassed natives on bicycles and skateboards go about their recreational business. Families eat picnic lunches. Groups of young people play games in the sand.

The man walks for a while, parallel to the shore. Finds a public water fountain. Drinks his fill. Continues walking. Before very long, he comes to a pier, towering over the meeting place of sand and sea.

The man finds a dark corner in the shade of the corroded underbelly of the pier. He sits in the sand, contemplating his next move, leveling the sand in front of him with two swipes of his palm. With his index finger, he draws a single vertical line. Day One.

Dusk turns black. Hunger growls. The man ventures out from his makeshift cave into the open night air. Traffic has died down. He searches the trash cans. Finds half a sandwich and four half-eaten spareribs. Good enough. He fills an empty Gatorade bottle with water from the fountain and goes back to the pier. He sleeps.

Not much changes for a few days. The water fountain never runs dry. The trash cans never go empty. The sun rises and sets systematically, unbored with its monotonous routine. Within a week, the man finds an afternoon job at a nearby beach shack that rents surfboards, sailboats, and rafts. Each day he helps the owner clean the vessels. He makes enough money to buy a square lunch once in a while, but buries most of the cash at his spot under the pier.

One morning he wakes up. Several dozen finger-drawn lines lie in the sand before him. He begins counting, stopping at twenty-four. He’s had enough.

With his hands, he digs up the stash of loot he’s hidden. Almost one hundred dollars. Should be plenty. Erasing the lines in the sand with two sweeping kicks, he picks up what’s left of his trash, and leaves his cave. He heads to the snack bar and purchases three sandwiches, wrapping them tightly in napkins. He fills his Gatorade bottle, buys six more, throws everything into a big brown paper bag, and heads over to the rental shack.

Wrapping up a quick conversation with his boss in front of the rental shack, the man hands him a roll of bills. He points to the red raft on the end of the rack. They shake hands. The boss hands him two oars. And a pen.

The man grabs the red raft and drags it to the edge of the water. He puts his belongings in, wading out knee-deep before jumping in and rowing out into the surf. Salt water waves offer resistance. It doesn’t matter. He keeps going, determined. Soon he and his raft are beyond the surf, into deep water. With his back to the sea, he rows, and rows, and rows, all the while watching his pier fade into the distance. Before night falls, the pier is nowhere to be seen. He takes a few gulps of water. Enough for now. He pens a single vertical line on the edge of the raft. Day One.

The world turns. The sun rises and sets, unbored with its monotonous routine. Within a week, the man’s water supply has become dangerously low. Blisters cover his face and hands. And while he’s only had two bites twice a day, he’s now down to half a sandwich.

The raft with eight penned lines drifts as the sun rises for the ninth time. The man wakes up. Gulls circle overhead. A good sign. The man looks west with the sun. And finally, he sees what he’s been looking for. Within striking distance. He picks up an oar and begins to paddle with all that’s left of his might. But to Hell with it. He throws the oar overboard. To Hell with the raft too. He’ll never need it again anyway. The man stands and dives into the sea, abandoning his vessel, and swims the rest of the way to his destination.

To the desert island he’d been cast from.

happy hour minus two

A cool photo series that looks at contemporary American culture through the austere lens of statistics.

cortes bank giant waves

A few guys went big last weekend about 100 miles from here as one of the strongest storms pounded Cortes Bank, an underwater mountain range whose tallest peak rises 4,000 feet from the ocean floor to about four feet from the surface. The result would be like riding a 10 story building at 50 miles per hour. Gnarly.

Last night the town of Carmel, CA came up in conversation. I’d spent a week up there a few years ago soaking up most of the art galleries in town. Other than sleeping on the beach or taking scenic walks with the dog, there’s really not much more to do up there. Which is why I love that place.

There was a particular modern abstract painter I met up there named Linde B. Martin. I completely fell in love with her work, spent a good hour or two in her studio on a couple different days, and ended up talking shop with her for a while. She uses special oils imported from Europe, only primaries (Red, Yellow, Blue), and paints in the “alla prima” style. Alla prima literally translates to “at once” in Italian; the style involves painting an entire piece in a single session while the oil is still wet. Linde claims she rarely spends more than 45 minutes on a single piece. She’ll let an idea incubate in her imagination for a while, then sets up her materials, throws on a smock, and unleashes.

Her place is on Delores between 5th and 6th. If you’re ever up there, don’t miss it. Until then, check out her online gallery.

linde b. martin

“The Drama”
By Linde B. Martin

I actually hate cats, but this guy is the man. He comforts the dying at a nursing home. A great read.

beddy bye

As one of the final steps of the purge, I finally unloaded my California King sleighbed frame via craigslist today to a couple of supercool new parents up near LAX. I trust they’ll enjoy it for many years. Here’s a final look at it as it gets hauled up the 405.

As an aside, I feel compelled to point out that I don’t think there is a more ridiculous invention on the planet than a sleighbed frame. I mean, think about it. It’s the most space-consuming, gaudy, impractical thing Man has ever come up with. You can’t slide into bed from the foot. You can’t even hang a hat on it.

I’ve downsized to a simple platform frame, California King. No headboard, no footboard. This saves me a good five feet of floor space; I feel like I can actually breathe now. And those soft mattress corners around the perimeter are so much more, well, practical. smiley

An interesting film of people describing their impressions of others. We should all get together and do this on each other.

A rollercoaster ride depicting home prices from 1890 to 2007. Genius. [click to continue…]

I just implemented a cool feature on this blog called Subscribe to Comments. Previously, if a reader commented on a post, she’d need to revisit the post later to see if any subsequent comments were added. This is no longer the case.

Subscribe to Comments now allows said reader to select a checkbox before posting a comment, after which she can receive email notifications of further comments. (She can opt-out any time.) The addition of this component helps to foster a community around any given post, facilitating longer conversations and more engaging dialogue. A topic will now remain alive for anyone who remains interested it.

Enjoy. And play nice.