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From ProofreadNOW:

Either and neither are versatile words. Each can serve as a pronoun, an adjective, a conjunction, and an adverb. Know another word that can be any of four parts of speech?

When either or neither is used as a pronoun, confusion sometimes arises as to what form of verb should follow. The rule: always use the singular form of the verb in phrases and clauses that begin with either of and neither of, regardless of the number of the noun that follows.

  • When it came to choosing between mango ice cream and Key lime pie, it was a win-win situation. Either of them is delicious! (The single verb form is is required here.)
  • But when it came to voting in the recent election, I held my nose and pulled the lever. Neither of the candidates has any experience at running a water ski club, so what does it matter? (The singular verb form has is required here.)

Earlier this month, a couple people informed me of a writing project called Significant Objects and its associated contest conducted by Slate Magazine. The purpose of the contest was to take a worthless object — in this case, a BBQ sauce jar — and write a short story (500 words or fewer) in which the object plays a significant role.

A great exercise. Just hours before the deadline (I think I’d just watched the Dodgers blow Game 4 of the NLCS) I decided to sit down and see what I could come up with. Pressed for time and not exactly in the mood to start from scratch, I ended up re-imagining an old piece I’d already written a year or two ago, tweaking a few things to fit the exercise. Feeling as though I was slightly cheating, I reminded myself of one of Hitch’s quotes, “Self-plagiarism is style.”

Today the winner was announced. You can read that entry here.

For the archives, here’s what I offered:

Hold Still
by Jace Daniel (b. 1969)

bbq sauce jar

Once upon a time, in a world much like ours, there lived a jar of glue. Not your ordinary jar of glue, mind you; not the kind with with a shiny label and a fancy logo. This jar of glue was different. It was made of clay, and was labeled BAR-B-Q SAUCE.

Born full of purpose, and equipped with uniquely handy application brush, the jar of glue spent its life fixing, mending, and repairing broken things. Many broken things were helped by the jar of glue, becoming stronger than new.

Over time, the world changed, and breakable things were replaced by unbreakable things. Things that were real and vulnerable became things of the past, and the world was full of fake, plastic, less-than-precious things. The jar of glue’s purpose began running low, and it began to feel unimportant.

Determined to keep its purpose alive, the jar of glue went searching. Before long, it met a young dish.

“Do you need me for anything?” the jar of glue asked.

“What do I need you for?” the dish replied. “I’m unbreakable. Besides, I really don’t like barbecue sauce.”

Judged by its shell, the jar of glue continued searching. Before long, it met a vase.

“Do you need me for anything?” the jar of glue asked.

“What do I need you for?” the vase replied. “You can drop me on the hard floor and I’m fine. Besides, I really, really don’t like barbecue sauce.”

Judged again by its shell, the jar of glue continued searching. Before too long, it met a bowl.

“Do you need me for anything?” the jar of glue asked.

“What do I need you for?” the bowl replied. “I’m cheap, and can be easily replaced by bowls exactly like me. We all come from the same mold. Besides, I really, really, really don’t like barbecue sauce.”

Judged yet again by its shell, the jar of glue continued searching. Its purpose was beginning to dry up, and the jar of glue felt very desperate.

“If only I could find one last thing that needs me,” the jar of glue said. “So that my purpose does not go to waste.”

Before too very long, as if by plan, the jar of glue met a heart. Not a fake, plastic, less-than-precious heart, mind you. Not the heart on greeting cards. This heart was real. And it was broken.

“Hold still,” the jar of glue said. “You’re going to be fine.”

The jar of glue poured its purpose into the fractures of the heart, filling every crack with its saturated brush, applying a second coat for extra durability.

“Thank you,” said the heart.

“No, thank you,” replied the clay jar labeled BAR-B-Q Sauce.

And from that day forward, the heart was stronger than it had ever been before.

RIP

rip greamer

Rip Greamer, 10.24.2009

Makeup by Aloha Marine

brewery artwalk los angeles

Downtown Los Angeles, 10.24.2009

rip greamer and significant other

[click to continue…]

milena

milena

milena

I’m quite the proud papa right now.

kona konyMy buddy’s buddy is a travel writer for LocalGetaways, and the other day he threw out a request to his network of peeps requesting “photos of dogs frolicking on the beach” to supplement an upcoming feature on dog-friendly beaches in Northern California. Anybody who knows us knows that there is no shortage of such photos on this site.

We just learned that Kona made the cut! This came in today from the publisher:

A huge thank you to everyone who sent us their happy-dog-at-beach photos (which was a lot of photos). Attached is a PDF of the newspaper feature that will go out to about 3 million readers in Nor Cal this Sunday. We were also able to fit in more doggie pics in our online article/blog that will go live on Sunday and reside on the site permanently (see the other attachment). Feel free to post comments on our doggie blog when it goes live: http://blog.localgetaways.com/

A shining star. Attagirl! <3

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