Source: Internet

An Afghan, an Albanian, an Algerian, an American, an Andorran, an Angolan, an Antiguan, an Apache, an Argentinean, an Armenian, an Australian, an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bangladeshi, a Barbadian, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bhutanese, a Bolivian, a Bosnian, a Brazilian, a Bruneian, a Bulgarian, a Burkinabe, a Burundian, a Cambodian, a Cameroonian,
a Canadian, a Cape Verdean, a Central African, a Chadian, a Cherokee, a Chilean, a Chinese, a Colombian, a Comoran, a Congolese, a Costa Rican, a Cree, a Croat, a Cuban, a Cypriot, a Czech, a Dakota, a Dane, a Djibouti, a Dominican, a Dutch, an East Timorese, an Ecuadorean, an Egyptian, an Emirian, an Englishman, an Equatoguinean, an Eritrean, an Estonian, an Ethiopian, a Fijian, a Filipino, a Finn, a Frenchman, a Gabonese, a Gambian, a Georgian, a German, a Ghanaian, a Greek, a Grenadan, a Guatemalan, a Guinea-Bissauan, a Guinean, a Guyanese, a Haitian, a Herzegovinian, an Honduran, a Hungarian, an I-Kiribati, an Icelander, an Indian, an Indonesian, an Iranian, an Iraqi, an Irishman, an Israeli, an Italian, an Ivorian, a Jamaican, a Japanese, a Jordanian, a Kazakhstani, a Kenyan, a Kittian and Nevisian, a Kosovar, a Kuwaiti, a Kyrgyz, a Lakota, a Laotian, a Latvian, a Lebanese, a Liberian, a Libyan, a Liechtensteiner, a Lithuanian, a Luxembourger, a Macedonian, a Malagasy, a Malawian, a Malaysian, a Maldivan, a Malian, a Maltese, a Marshallese, a Mauritanian, a Mauritian, a Mexican, a Micronesian, a Moldovan, a Monegasque, a Mongolian, a Montenegrin, a Moroccan, a Mosotho, a Motswana, a Mozambican, a Myanmarese, a Namibian, a Navajo, a Nauruan, a Nepalese, a New Zealander, a Ni-Vanuatu, a Nicaraguan, a Nigerian, a Nigerien, a North Korean, a Northern Irishman, a Norwegian, an Omani, a Pakistani, a Palauan, a Palestinian, a Panamanian, a Papua New Guinean, a Paraguayan, a Peruvian, a Pole, a Portuguese, a Qatari, a Romanian, a Russian, a Rwandan, a Saint Lucian, a Salvadoran, a Sammarinese, a Samoan, a Sao Tomean, a Saudi, a Scot, a Senegalese, a Serbian, a Seychellois, a Sierra Leonean, a Singaporean, a Slovakian, a Slovenian, a Solomon Islander, a Somali, a South African, a South Korean, a Spaniard, a Sri Lankan, a Sudanese, a Surinamer, a Swazi, a Swede, a Swiss, a Syrian, a Tadzhik, a Taiwanese, a Tanzanian, a Tobagonian, a Togolese, a Tongan, a Trinidadian, a Tunisian, a Turk, a Turkmen, a Tuvaluan, a Ugandan, a Ukrainian, an Uruguayan, an Uzbek, a Venezuelan, a Vietnamese, a Welshman, a Yemeni, a Zambian, and a Zimbabwean walk into a restaurant.

The maitre d’ apologizes, “Sorry guys, but I can’t let you in without a Thai.”

(via Ben)

Dodger Stadium, 9/27/2012. Photo by Steph.

Betcha saw the girl sitting down with the guy hugging her from behind. Right? Look again. It’s the other way around.

An interesting study in hemispheres.

Source: Internet via Jon Mattox

Last night I was rolling an Alfred Hitchcock interview from the seventies. When the interviewer underhandedly commented on the sick mind that must be lurking behind all his stories, Hitch outdid himself and told an absolute doozy. Goes something like this, slightly Americanized:

A salesman was traveling through the desert in his car when the rear axle broke. Stranded in the middle of nowhere, nearly 150 miles from the nearest town, he got out of his car and scanned the horizon. There in the distance was a house on an oasis. He trudged over.

Arriving at the house, the salesman knocked on the door. A dapper gentleman answered, and the salesman explained his predicament. The dapper gentleman informed the salesman that the nearest town was 150 miles behind him, and he’d best stay a night or two at the oasis while the butler towed the car in for repairs. Finding it a wonderful idea, and frankly having no other choice, the salesman accepted the gracious offer.

The dapper gentleman took the man upstairs and showed him to the guest room. He invited him to wash up and come downstairs for a cocktail.

The salesman came downstairs as invited, and was greeted by the dapper gentleman and two attractive women. The dapper gentleman handed the salesman a cocktail, and explained that the two women were his wife and daughter.

“Wow,” the salesman said. “You’re both very attractive. So attractive, in fact, that I can’t even tell which one’s the mother. I’d even guess you were sisters.”

After a few cocktails and dinner, the man retired to his room for the evening. At about midnight, as he was dozing off in the dark, he heard the bedroom door open. He reached for the table lamp and began to turn it on when he heard a woman’s voice at the door. “No, don’t turn the light on. Keep it off.”

“Which one are you?” the salesman asked. “The wife or the daughter?”

“I’d rather not say.”

A few seconds later, the salesman heard the woman approaching the bed, yet was still unable to identify her face. The woman explained that she’s been living out here in the middle of the desert, a lonely existence, and her heart throbbed to see such a handsome stranger drop in for a visit. The woman took a seat at the edge of the bed, caressing the man’s hand. Before long, she was under the covers, and the inevitable ensued.

At about four a.m., as dawn began to break, the woman stood up in the dark and said she had to go before it got light. She disappeared through the bedroom door.

The next morning, downstairs, the salesman enjoyed coffee and breakfast with the dapper gentleman, the wife, and the daughter. Still curious as to who was in his room the night before, the man pried, questioning, making eye contact with the two women. Yet since their voices were so similar, he was unable to determine who the visitor was.

That evening, at about midnight, the man was once again lying in his dark room. The visitor came to the door once more.

“It’s me again.”

“Which one are you?” the salesman asked.

“I’d rather not say.”

Accepting the answer, the man obliged as the woman crawled in to join him. Again, they enjoyed a warm evening together. And again, at four a.m., the shadowy woman got out of bed and disappeared out the bedroom door.

The next morning, downstairs at breakfast, the curious salesman made even more eye contact with the women, looking for a sign, determined to identify which of them had been visiting him the two previous nights. Yet still, because they looked so similar, he was unable to pin it down.

After breakfast, the butler arrived with the car. The salesman grabbed his things, and walked outside with the dapper gentleman, thanking him for his hospitality and grace.

As the salesman got into his car, he asked the dapper gentleman the obvious question.

“Why is it that you and your family live all the way out here in the middle of nowhere, one hundred and fifty miles from the nearest town?”

The dapper gentleman explained.

“It’s because of my daughter.”

“Your daughter?” the salesman asked. “Why would she choose to live in isolation? She seemed fine to me.”

The dapper gentleman noticed the salesman’s misunderstanding.

“Oh, no, not Margaret,” the dapper gentleman said. “I’m talking about my younger daughter, Elizabeth. We keep her out in the barn.”

“The barn?”

“Yes, the barn,” the dapper gentleman said. “She’s a leper.”

(via Maman)

Under Angels is now haunting Dark Delicacies, the San Fernando Valley’s home of horror, located in the heart of Burbank. Tons of books, videos, merch, and paraphernalia for horror/thriller buffs.

Drop in for a spooky hang on Saturday, lucky October 13, 2012, at 2 PM. There will be a total of five authors present, signing their respective books. Restaurants and bars nearby as well. Make an afternoon out of it! A perfect way to kick off the Halloween season.

Scheduled:

Jace Daniel, author of Under Angels

Crossword puzzle enthusiast Pete Durante is a war dog trainer stationed near the Los Angeles Harbor during World War II. After he cracks an enemy code that helps end the war and saves millions of lives, he gets driven to suicide by a vengeful intelligence officer named Rip Greamer. To save his family from an even darker fate, Pete must follow his dog beyond the grave and into a purgatorial maze of tunnels beneath Los Angeles to solve one final puzzle.

Under Angels is a ghost story that includes Los Angeles history, UFOs, anagrams, the K-9 Command Unit, WWII cryptography, love, tragedy, second chances, and Greamer, who is either a covert government agent or something far worse.

Sean Patrick Traver, author of Graves’ End: A Magical thriller

A modern-day witch helps an undead detective solve the mystery of his own resurrection in this magical thriller with a touch of classic LA noir!

Los Angeles PI Dexter Graves was pretty sure his life ended back in 1950, after a mysterious femme fatale shot him through the head. When Graves involuntarily rises from his grave sixty years later, he finds himself drawn to freelance sorceress Lia Flores, who introduces him to an underworld he never could’ve imagined. Lia sets out to discover the meaning behind Graves’ unexpected intrusion into her enchanted life, but neither the witchgirl nor the skeletal detective has any idea they’re being set up by an old-school player on the LA scene: mobster/monster Mickey Hardface, also known as Mictlantecuhtli, the ambitious king of the Aztec realm of the dead.

Funny and fast-paced, this genre-bending love letter to the City of Angels blends surreal magical fantasy with the narrative drive of a taut crime story. Epic in scope and rooted in California history, GRAVES’ END adds a new chapter to the mythology of the post-Halloween holiday known as el Dia de los Muertos–the Day of the Dead.

Melissa L. Finch, author of The Fire of the Eclipse

The world of 18-year old Valairia Sullivan begins to fall apart when her troubled older brother, Charles, dies from a heroin overdose. Violent and traumatic events fill her days as she mourns his loss. Far away in the Wrightwood forest resides a mysterious group of women who want to help heal Valairia of the dangerous power that now resides within her. But the strange and beautiful man who has been sent to guide her to Wrightwood, fills Valairia’s heart with terror and irresistible seduction. She fears he may be a cruel spirit, or the loss of her own sanity. The fate of the world is at risk in this classic romantic battle between good and evil. Set in the glamorous and fast-paced world of Los Angeles and merging into the haunting forests of the San Bernardino mountains, enriched with pop culture, raw emotional conflicts, eroticism, and fantastical plot twists, The Fire of the Eclipse will suck you in during the full cycle of the moon.

Bart Brevik, author of Outer Darkness

What would you do if your family was under attack by a violent Satanic cult? That’s the position Jim DiMario is in – but has he found out too late? A successful pastor of a large suburban church, Jim’s life unravels when he investigates an animal mutilation that has taken place in his quiet, upscale community. Seemingly by chance, he meets two strangers in his quest for the truth – each of whom have their own reasons to investigate the grisly mutilations. Jim soon finds himself in too deep when problems arise for his friends & family. His world spinning out of control, Jim discovers that he is the focus of a Satanic cult – the shadowy Temple of Anubis, who’s true motives are more sinister than mere animal sacrifices. With time ticking away before Samhain, the most unholy night for the occultists, Jim and his allies face a desperate gamble to save his daughter’s life from the Satanists who have abducted her. Will he realize too late that his worst enemy is part of his own inner circle?

Peter Clines, author of 14

Padlocked doors. Strange light fixtures. Mutant cockroaches.

There are some odd things about Nate’s new apartment.

Of course, he has other things on his mind. He hates his job. He has no money in the bank. No girlfriend. No plans for the future. So while his new home isn’t perfect, it’s livable. The rent is low, the property managers are friendly, and the odd little mysteries don’t nag at him too much.

At least, not until he meets Mandy, his neighbor across the hall, and notices something unusual about her apartment. And Xela’s apartment. And Tim’s. And Veek’s.

Because every room in this old Los Angeles brownstone has a mystery or two. Mysteries that stretch back over a hundred years. Some of them are in plain sight. Some are behind locked doors. And all together these mysteries could mean the end of Nate and his friends.

Or the end of everything…

Dark Delicacies map:

Dark Delicacies on the web: http://darkdel.com

Under Angels book trailer: http://underangels.com/trailer

Under Angels reader reviews on Amazon: http://underangels.com/reviews