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Trust Me

A man owes the IRS ten thousand dollars, and only has five. Under a tremendous amount of stress, he goes into a church to seek guidance.

“Lord,” the man prays. “I’m at the end of my rope. I owe the IRS ten thousand dollars, and I’m five grand short. Please, show me the way.”

To his surprise, the man hears a Voice coming from on high. “Take your five thousand dollars to Vegas.”

“Are you kidding me?” the man asks.

“Trust Me,” the Voice says. “Take it all to Vegas and we’ll go from there.”

So the man jumps in his car and goes to Vegas. Reaching town, he prays, “Okay, God. We’re in Vegas. Now what?”

“Go to the Mirage,” the Voice says.

“The Mirage?” the man asks.

“Trust Me,” the Voice assures.

So the man gets off the freeway, cruises down the strip, and parks his car at the Mirage. Entering the casino, and not quite sure what to do next, he prays for help. “Okay, God, we’re at the Mirage. Now what?”

“Go to the Blackjack table,” the Voice says.

“Blackjack?” the man asks.

“Trust Me,” the Voice assures.

So the man goes to the first Blackjack table he sees and takes a seat. “Okay, God,” the man prays. “I’m at the Blackjack table. Now what?”

“Bet it all,” the Voice instructs.

“All of it on one hand?” the man asks.

“Trust Me,” the Voice assures.

So the man puts his five thousand dollars down and gets dealt two cards. A six and a five. Eleven.

“Okay, God,” the man prays. “I’m at eleven. Hit, right?”

“Yep,” the Voice says.

So the man hits. Gets dealt a four. Fifteen.

“Okay, God, we’re at fifteen,” the man prays. “Now what?”

“Hit again,” the Voice says.

“Hit on fifteen?” the man confirms.

“Trust Me,” the Voice assures.

So the man hits on fifteen. Gets dealt a three. Eighteen.

“Okay, God,” the man prays. “We’re at eighteen. Now what?”

“Hit again,” the Voice says.

“Hit on eighteen?” the man asks.

“Trust Me,” the Voice assures.

So the man hits on eighteen. Gets dealt a deuce. Twenty.

“Wow!” the man exclaims. “We’re on twenty, God. I should stand, right?”

“Hit again,” the Voice says.

“Hit on twenty?” the man asks. “Are you kidding me?”

“Trust Me,” the Voice assures. “Just go for it.”

So the man hits on twenty. Gets dealt an ace. Twenty-one.

The man’s jaw drops. He sits there, wide-eyed, unable to speak.

The Voice on high, in a whisper, utters:

“Unfuckingbelievable.”

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