≡ Menu

Spring cleaning…of the wallet.

In what has to be one of the most startling observations of my own capability for patheticism, I just sat down and cleaned out my wallet. It’s been something I’ve been needing to do for years, and thanks to the nudging of a couple bros in recent weeks who noticed that the thing had mutated into the size of a small Los Angeles County telephone book, I’ve finally sat down and gotten it done.


I knew it’s been years, but I’ve lost count of what that means. Here are some of the items I found in my wallet:

  • Countless receipts, most of them from gas stations, many of them faded to white.
  • At least a dozen(!) business cards from people I don’t remember meeting.
  • Photographs of my now-grown baby sisters from when they were about eight.
  • My very expired U.S. Chess Federation membership card. I haven’t competed in tournaments since 1996.
  • No less than three proof of auto insurance cards, dating back to when Bill Clinton was in office.
  • Two credit cards that have been expired for over two years.
  • Health and dental cards that I don’t even remember having.
  • A crumpled mound of Chinese fortunes so old that I can’t even read ’em.
  • An extra key to a door that remains unidentified.
  • Post-It notes with phone numbers that mean nothing to me.

And my personal favorite:

  • An optometrist’s prescription dated March 19, 1997.

Where the hell have I been? I’ve promised myself to never let my head get that far up my ass again.

Comments on this entry are closed.

Next post:

Previous post: